Crushing the Trust


Ow the joys of being in love! Seeing him smile, the way he carries himself in godliness, his leadership that seems to come so naturally, how he just handles scripture… One problem, he is not yours.

The crush! If you haven’t gone through it, please teach me your ways! Being a single seems to be somewhat of a hot topic, like people don’t know what to do with themselves while their single. It just makes it worse when there is a mature godly somebody wondering around in your midsts, like, where to from here?

Well, if you were hoping to find a list of what to do to get over a crush or something like that, I’m sorry, no such thing here, BUT, I think I may just have something that should get us all thinking about what we treasure in our hearts.

Before I end up sounding like I’m a miss perfect let me share a bit of my crush story so you know where all this comes from. There was a certain somebody, *cough*, let’s call him Jay, and Jay is a godly guy, uses his mind, strength, body etc for the glory of God, he’s just that soul’d out guy for the Lord and he’s easy on the eye too. So, single me noticed single Jay and well, it was late for me. My mind became a cinema of endless romantic movies starring Jay and I. One movie we were missionaries out in the most undeveloped parts of the world, another I was perfect homemaker and mother and he was perfect father and worked hard to provide for the family, always the perfect reflection of how Christ loved the church. It all seems pretty cute huh? The problem is it had now become the thing that I loved to dwell on all day. It seemed like everything I did was no longer to please God but inwardly it was to get Jay to notice me and my oh so godly ways.

A God-given and beautiful desire, I had now to turned into an idol, I’d totally win the depravity award huh? Yeah, so that brought me to a place where I had to question what is my heart’s true desire. When I do something, am I doing it to get his attention, or am I truly doing it as an act of obedience to God. It is hard to sit down and truly question your intentions when you have a crush, because it becomes as easy as breathing to justify yourself somehow in doing whatever you are doing.
A neat example, you’re invited to a church event, and you were not planning to go because you have another plan, then you hear that your crush is going. Suddenly the other plan is no longer so important, and church events are always good in growing in the Lord, see where this is going?

“Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life”

 [Proverbs 4:23]

When we lose our sense of self-control and allow our emotions to take over, when we allow ourselves to put ANYTHING above God, we are leading ourselves straight to death. Being single we should never allow our emotions to crush our trust in God. He is, or at least should be the number one factor in our lives. Jesus taught us practically to always do the will of God even when it hurts most, this is a bit extreme though but it clearly shows how we should put ourselves in the background and trust God fully in everything, asking for His will to be done and not ours.

“…he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, My father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will”

[Matthew 26:39]

And that’s how it should be. Let’s not get so taken up by our desires that we put them above God, there is NOTHING wrong with desiring marriage and all that good stuff, but it shouldn’t be our idol. Let us be holy as He is holy, living our lives for His glory, we’re single, that’s all, we have all the gifts and abilities that God has given us to glorify Him NOW.

“The Lord is my strength and my shield;
in him my heart trusts, and I am helped;
my heart exults,
and with my song I give thanks to him”

[Psalm 28:7]


The selfish and unselfish socialization of men

I found this very interesting, and it jumped out to me the love of a husband for His wife, Always focused on pointing her to the cross, being the head of the family, not for your own selfish interests but to honor God in your marriage… just amazing 😀

Christianity and masculinity

Yesterday in the socialization of men and women, I discussed how many men know instinctively how to display masculine behavior to other men yet fail to do so with women. This is the behavior of “nice guys.”

Classic socialization behavior between the two sexes follows these two axioms which I listed in that post:

  1. The tendency of women’s socialization is to agree with each other and validate each other.
  2. The tendency of men’s socialization is to be critical, challenging, ribbing, teasing, and mock insulting of each other.

Today I’m going to be talking about the selfish and unselfish nature in which masculine behavior can be utilized. This is where the differences in “game” and “Christian masculinity” are in my opinion. Most of “game” in terms of the major secular manosphere sites tells men to act selfishly (see: dark triad and psychopathy) with their own self interests in mind. However…

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Empty vessel

Right now, that’s exactly what I feel like. An empty vessel taking up space and oxygen in this world.

I’ve been given so much, working hands and feet that seem to only be used to take me to the shops to feed and spoil myself. Dying to self seems to only end in my mind or mouth but isn’t something that is spoken by my actions. That’s not kosher.

There should be more, way more to do than just sitting at home and doing ‘home things’ surely, of course that glorifies God, but it does not seem like its enough.

Matthew 25:35-36
“For i was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me”

Amazing, everytime I get an opportunity to do something like giving someone clothes or food, I will have all the excuses found in the world not to. Either I will have something (which is usually not true) planned for the money, or I’m in a rush, or anything silly that I can come up with. And it sucks when I come from eating out and I pass a person who clearly needs food more than I do because I’m scared of them or am “saving” the food for later. I’m always looking out for myself and last I checked, not even the dictionary definition of selfless had changed, so if I wanna call myself selfless please side eye me and whack me on the head with 1corinthians 13:5 or something.

But yeah, this may very well just be words that end on this screen, so I gotta make a plan! woop!

What can I do? I’m a “privileged” child, protected from all sorts of horror stories, so sometimes i don’t really grasp the seriousness of the things that go on around me. Hey hey hey,
Proverbs 31:20
“She opens up her hands to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy”

Noticed that she reaches out to them? Too many times I think its gonna turn out like a movie, where someone comes to our door and asks for exactly what I have in abundance to give, problem is I’m not seeking to do good, I’m just waiting, and in that waiting, I fail to even respond to a need that I can cater to, like the guy with no food and I have my take away in hand…

1John 3:17-18
“But if anyone has the world’s goods and sees his brother in need yet closes his heart against him, how does God’s love abide in him? Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth”

I’m praying I truly have repented from this and that when the opportunity presents itself I could think of another before myself and consciously and actively seek to do good to people, even if I’m scared and its out of my comfort zone….

Growing in grace huh?…

Religion or true conversion?

Confusion? Yeah that’s what I’ll call it…
For a while, a long while, as in just got it recently while, I always used to wonder whether its my job or a mysterious magic spell that I would change my life and be more like Christ. Please don’t stone me, but it was a serious concern for me.

I’d wanna do something good but stop myself cause hey, what if its just me trying to glorify myself. Or when it comes to doing what the flesh wanted I’d do it cause I was expecting some deep spiritual movement in me that would make it impossible for me to do that.

Wow. This bubble was interesting. Imagine how freeing it was to come across Philippians 2:13 “for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure”.
Say what?
I could’ve literally jumped with joy to read that!
Firstly it humbled me, cause there is nothing good that I can do. Well that took away a feeling of pride that I could’ve possibly wanted to do something good on my own. Secondly it made me want and look forward to doing good things because that is the work of God in me! Woop woop!!

But before I jump all fences in excitement, it made me see how foolish I was to somehow completely ignore the number of verses that point to a challenge it will be to pursue holiness… die daily… be steadfast and immovable… be watchful, stand firm in the faith… those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires….

Those are just some phrases I’m wondering how I used to not get before. Mind boggling.

By His grace He has opened my eyes… I feel free or rather braver now because I know that we are made to glorify God in all that we do.
It now makes sense to repent of what I thought were “small” things before.
It makes sense to fear too much praise from people, lest I start thinking that I have done something remarkable, when I’ve only done what I’ve been told to do.

All glory belongs to God, and all that we do should be a conscious effort to point people back to the cross. The mercy, love, compassion that flowed from that is something that leaves one in awe and should always be a marvel…

That will certainly be encouragement to die daily, to crucify my passions and desires and not be waiting, while indulging in the desires of the flesh waiting for some mysterious force to paralyze and control me like a robot. The desires I have to do good are from God and my responsibility is to make sure that I submit to the Lord and do what He says.

I pray that God may convict us when our intentions are wrong and help us daily in our lives to glorify Him in all that we do.

The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you all. Amen

Humbling Ourselves Before God’s Word — Charles Spurgeon



If you truly believe a man, you believe all that he says. He who does not believe that God will punish sin, will not believe that God will pardon it through the atoning blood. He who does not believe that God will cast unbelievers into hell, will not be sure that he will take believers into heaven. If we doubt God’s Word about one thing, we shall have small confidence in it upon another thing. Sincere faith in God must treat all God’s Word alike; for the faith which accepts one word of God and rejects another is evidently not faith in God, but faith in our own judgment, faith in our own taste. Only that is true faith which believes everything that is revealed by the Holy Spirit, whether it be joyous or distressing…I charge you who profess to be the Lord’s not to be unbelieving with regard to…

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The Come Back…

I could not think of a better title. I know, sounds so awkward but it’s really all I could come up with to validate the time spent not blogging.

Been on holiday, still on holiday, I’ve never really understood 3 month bordering on 4 months holidays. I am pretty sure we don’t work that hard in varsity to warrant such a long break.

Anyways before I get carried away with petty things, this holiday has been quiet the interesting one. I got baptised (yeaaay!!), on the 15th of December 2013; friend’s dad passed away; friendships lost; dad collapsed; went to KZN (fun!!), got major sun burn… all in all… its been an interesting drama filled holiday and its not even done yet.

One thing I wanted to draw on though was the time I spent with my family yesterday and the lessons that came from it. All it took was one question from my grandmother and it all went downhill from there. She asked if I had been confirmed, I said no, but I got baptised. Picture a volcanic eruption, yep that’s what happened. All the mouths in that room erupted and no one could hear above the loud explosion of words spewing out of a strange fire I’d like to call defense.

James 1:19 ”…let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger”

They felt I was attacking the Lutheran church, abandoning the family beliefs and getting lost somewhere I don’t know because I am young and taken by beautiful words a pastor preached to me. I felt attacked by these four grown women that have raised me in love. All useless emotions with no fruit to bear because none of us were hearing each other but all of us were hearing ourselves and put aside the one thing we should all be focusing on, the bible.

Ow but the power of words and how they can act like a sharp knife that stabs repeatedly. I mentioned the bible, I got a ”so you think we don’t know the bible, we all interpret it differently” and various other answers.

One thing that stopped me from talking any further was the realisation that I am far from knowing how to speak gently. I was not quick to hear and I certainly wasn’t slow to speak in the beginning and I evidently moved most of them to anger with what seemed like foolish talk.

Yesterday was a huge challenge for me, I felt like I had completely shamed God, made a mockery out of His word. His word and prayer… aaah the peace and joy I had last night, knowing i have been forgiven was amazing. Its such a precious gift we’ve been given to repent. I find that now it is easier to do things that are biblical and hopefully bring glory to God cause now everybody knows where I stand, though they may not fully understand it cause of my own doing, but its easier now…

Thank God for his mercy. Anything we try do on our own we will surely fail. When the focus is always to glorify God, its wonderful cause all the challenges that come, are counted all joy, and they strengthen us so much and we become steadfast and immovable because of the hope that we have….

Growing in grace…

No More Comfortable Christianity

I could not have said it any better than this!! ❤

breaking-gods-heartThese last few months have been a bit of a rollercoaster for me emotionally, mentally, and spiritually because of one simple prayer.

A prayer I don’t know why I continually repeat.

A prayer that is constantly on my heart.

“Break my heart for what breaks Yours”.

And God has answered that prayer, because heartbroken  I have been as I have started seeing the world through His eyes.

As I’ve been feeling His hurt and His joy with my own heart.

I’ve been heartbroken by the things I read in the newspaper.

The things I hear about from others.

The things I see on tv.

Stories of a broken world that is so full of evil. Of hardship. Of hurt.

A world that so quickly forgets that there is so much more to life than what is in it. .

A world where people could care less about the One who…

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Your Smile Aids My Lies

We share, we talk, we laugh…

It’s so nice to have friends, you know, people who love me

Always looking out for me – at least I’m not dressed like that girl right?

“Yes friend, you know we’re modest girls like that”

Your words aid my lies

It’s so nice to have friends, you know, always so real with me

keepin’ me on track with God’s word – giiiirl, I got a crush on that guy 

“woo girl he foooiiiiiine, u better start prayin on him” 

Your words aid my lies

It’s awesome to have friends, you know, people I can fellowship with

Conversing about God and all – praise God for TV

“Did you watch modern family?? mmmm Gay marriages are allowed now! They can marry!! I’m so happy for them!!”

Your words aid my lies

it’s nice to have friends, you know, people who want the best for me

Correcting me when I’m wrong – We did the deed, I know it’s wrong but I know we’re gonna get married, we’re so in love…

*smiling and giggling* “mmmmm”

hidden in the corners of my heart my mouth blurts these secrets out

but your smile aids my lies…


It’s easy to pretend to be Christian among unbelievers. What happens to you when you are with your Christian friends? Why is it so easy to laugh off things that are not right? Why would we agree with things that go against God when we know that God HATES sin?

Jeremiah 17:9 “The heart is more deceitful than all else And is desperately sick; Who can understand it?”

1John 5:18 “We know that everyone who was born of God does not keep on sinning, but he who was born of God protects him and the evil one does not touch him”


Just a thought I wanted to share, cause I sometimes just let things go cause I think ah well, they know God, even when it’s not sitting so well in me… And when I say something that’s waaaay off sometimes my friends just laugh it off then I go on thinking, oh well that wasn’t so bad then…

Just a thought…

2 Corinthians 13:5  “Test yourselves to see if you are in the faith; examine yourselves! Or do you not recognize this about yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you—unless indeed you fail the test?”


I’d like to be..

Proverbs 31, how many times have I heard this? Feels like every lady in the world refers to themself as a proverbs 31 woman. Before I even knew what Proverbs 31 said, I had already started calling myself that as well… Till I read it.

Proverbs 31 woman is PHENOMENAL! I read that and wondered do people know what they are calling themselves? I certainly didn’t.

“Favour is deceitful and beauty is vain; but a woman that feareth the Lord she shall be praised”

That verse just highlights the most important factor of a “Proverbs 31” woman, she fears the Lord.

Fear because she is in total awe of God. When we see how holy and good God is, it should make us tremble at the knowledge of our own sins… But wow, what a merciful God we have, if it wasn’t for Jesus there would be nothing that we can do worthy enough to make us acceptable to God. All we can do is believe in His son Jesus Christ… That’s a topic for another day though….

A woman who fears the Lord lives in holiness, the way she carries herself, the way she talks, the way she responds to situations in life. Her life gives glory to God. She’s always aiming to please God, she may not be perfect but her practice of life professes godliness…

Now wouldn’t you like to be that? A woman who fears the Lord.

I’d like to be that.


Just a young girl tryna navigate what it means to live a life as a disciple of Christ.

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